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Ten Bad Jokes In A Row

from Imperfect Compass by King Everything

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lyrics

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender frowns and says, “We don’t serve food here.”

At the calendar factory, I once had a job. They fired me for taking just a couple of days off.

I have a few jokes about some unemployed jerks, but it doesn’t really matter, cuz not one of them works.

A blind man walks into a bar. Into a table. And a sign.

I wasn't gonna get the brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

I read a book about anti-gravity, and I couldn’t put it down.

The cannibal asks “Does this taste funny?” as he eats the clown.

Two antennas met on a roof. They fell in love and then they wed. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was the best.

There’s this infinite number of mathematicians, they go out for some drinks and some laughs. The first one he orders one beer, and the second one orders a half. The third one orders a quarter beer, but the bartender he wouldn’t give it. He just pours them two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

The lady at the ATM was eighty-five or maybe older. She asked if I could help her check her balance, so I reached out and I pushed her over.

credits

from Imperfect Compass, released August 7, 2017

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King Everything Pendleton, New York

Loud & quiet; odd & ordinary; mysterious & straightforward; vague & clear; joyous & angry; fast & slow; messy & organized; simple & complicated; succinct & wordy; energetic & lackadaisical; continuous & disjointed; hopeless & rosy; new & familiar.

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